by Xenia Taiga
The director enters the “The Judicial Educational Committee of Great Importance” room. The colleagues stop talking, their cigarettes hang in the air. The director pulls up a chair and sits down, nodding to them and they nod back.
After two hours of smoking and reading the newspapers, the director finally clears his throat. The colleagues look up. “We need to discuss next year’s plans.”
The colleagues nod.
“I would like to remind everyone that every time a new foreigner arrives we must show the upmost respect, upmost care so that they will know that China is great.
They murmur. “Yes,” they say, “China is great. We must instill this in others.”
“So that they also will come to love China.”
“Yes, this is true. We love China and they must also love China.”
“We must remember that every teacher that passes through the halls is a professional. All the teachers including those not working inside the English Department are all professionals and are all to be very much appreciated.”
“Yes, yes. It feels good to be appreciated, doesn’t it?”
“We must vigorously instill in our foreign friends the wonders of our amazing learning techniques which are chanting and memorization. Chanting and memorization are the best.”
“Yes, this is true.”
“It’s feels good when a laowei knows this, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, yes it does.”
The director takes out a paper from his jacket’s pocket and opens it. “I have received a letter from a man full of great wishes to come to our university to teach.”
“This is good,” they say.
“The more the merrier.”
“I was also able to talk to him and found out that he is most willing to learn our methods. On this basis, on his willingness, we’ll be hiring him.”
The colleagues clap.
The director folds up the paper and puts it back in his jacket’s pocket. His ten fingers tap the table. “I didn’t really much care for talking to that great pompous ass.”
The colleagues stop clapping.
“Yes, ass. What a fitting term to describe them.”
“They’re all asses to me.”
“The foreigners have their heads so far up, they don’t know the difference between south and east and north and west.”
The director holds up his hand and the colleagues become quiet. “Yes, this is true. How many times have we seen them walking through our hallways with their asses so big?”
“Many!”
“How many times have they accepted a job from us only to drop us off at the last minute to go to Thailand for a vacation?”
“Many!”
“How many times have we looked at a new foreign teacher with eyes of disgust? Knowing that they cannot be trusted, knowing that they’ll screw us over, screw our students.”
“Many!”
“How many times will they be found doing something that we have explicitly told them not to such as taking on another job in addition to the job that we have already offered to them?”
“Many!”
The director inhales his cigarette. “Yes, this is true. What I have said is all true but I do have to confess that this candidate does have a degree; an actual degree from an actual university.” He looks at his colleagues and shrugs.
The colleagues clap, their cigarettes dangle from their lips.
“Although we all agree that he is a pompous ass.”
The colleagues stop clapping and nod in agreement.
“Ass,” says one.
“Their asses are as big as their noses,” says another.
The director stands up in front of the table and flings several applications on the table. “We are still in need for two more foreign teachers to join us for next year’s semester.” He digs in his pocket and takes out a pair of dice. He juggles them in his hand, ready to roll them across the table. “Let’s see whose these lucky ones are, shall we?”
The colleagues nod. They pull their chairs closer. Their hands clench the table as they hold their breath and wait, watching the dice roll.
Note:
The Judicial Educational Committee of Great Importance is not the first piece Eastit has published by Xenia Taiga. Her previous pieces include:
- The Prostitutes’ Cat published in the January 2013 issue of Eastlit.
- Mirage published in Eastlit March 2013.
- Two Poems were published in the June issue of Eastlit.
